


First and lasts

by GoodDalekPeppergrinderfromdowntheRiver



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-14 08:04:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5735947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoodDalekPeppergrinderfromdowntheRiver/pseuds/GoodDalekPeppergrinderfromdowntheRiver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>River has just seen the younger version of the Doctor and tells him that the older version of the Doctor will be taking her to the singing towers of Darillium. However, The Doctor has other ideas and decides that he is not ready to lose his wife.</p>
            </blockquote>





	First and lasts

She opens the doors of the Tardis and is a bit crestfallen. This is not the singing towers of Darillium. She turns to glare at the Doctor, who is stood guiltily at the console.

"This isn't the singing towers," she forces out, stating the obvious. She carefully tries to keep the disappointment out of her voice and eyes, however, the Doctor knows better and inhales sharply. 

Angry River was angry, it was bad enough, but disappointed River breaks his heart more than anger ever could. When he was younger, foolish and scared, it was so easy to hurt her. He did not know her. He did not want to know her. He was angry that her Tardis blue book contained his future; their future. Angry that it was written. That it had to go a certain way and that he could not escape it's jaws. He was angry, young and foolish. He was annoyed - she would always just be a fleeting ghost to him. A fleeting ghost, that he could not fully save. A fleeting enigmatic ghost, who he would come to love and who never said anymore, than 'Spoilers.' He could not help that he lashed out; that he lost his temper. She apparently know him so well in the future, so she should have known better than to not be exactly what he needed. So, yes. The Doctor had disappointed River Song on more than one occasion. 

At first, it meant nothing. At first, he did not know her. She hid the damage so well, that he had convinced himself that there was no harm done. Soon enough though, he learnt that that his callous words left scars. Then he found out who she was; whose daughter she was. Why she had to hide so many secrets, lie and merely respond with "spoilers" even if it killed her inside. Him. He realised, and it broke his hearts. All she had was family and her love for the Doctor, and all the older River's were deprived of all of that. 

He resolved to treat her better. To hold her tight. To kiss her, with as much conviction that he could muster. To love her as much as his two broken and bruised hearts could. To make up for the life she would have had if he hadn't made it all timey wimey. 

 

" I know it isn't. dear." He says wearily, and he makes his way to her and lightly presses his palm on the small of her back. "But I thought that the four moons of Pavilion would be better... I mean, the singing towers... it is only the wind... I mean, the singing is created by the movement of the wind. That isn't remotely special or romantic, or worth seeing." He cannot go Darillium. Not now. Not ever, if he can avoid it. No. He can't. Refuses to lose her. It cannot be time already, he reasons. He hasn't given her the screwdriver that sits in his bigger in the inside pockets. He hasn't even told her his name yet. He hasn't loved her properly. Hasn't made up for all the time that he had let her down or wasn't her husband. He couldn't lose that woman that he ... that he... He can't bear to allow himself to say the word. Or feel it. His wonderful River Song, is but a fleeting ghost... He can't... he cannot... it hurts way to much already to admit, when she is in the same Tardis with him. He shudders to think about how he will feel when their time together comes to a complete end.

She looks back at him and smiles, although it is a tight smile. She tries to feel happy. She has not been out with the Doctor for a very long time, and now that she is with him, she cannot let disappointment ruin her evening. 

"Yes, I suppose that sounds better..." She says, after a couple seconds of silence. "But you have to take me to the Singing towers one day." 

His smile noticeably falters and before she can comment on it, a bright smile now sits on his face. He puts wraps his fingers through hers and they leave the Tardis. He pushes away all his thoughts and resolves to make the night the best ever, for both their sakes.


End file.
